dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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