how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
