Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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