Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
