Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I cockslap morals
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
