I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
God I need to hump something, right now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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