FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
