She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She bit a glass in half.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
