So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
