Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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