Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the day after is always just damage control
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
