Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
