I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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