i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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