I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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