So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
