His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
