white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
