i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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