and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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