It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
