i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
