the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
