the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
