Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
