did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
