We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He did a backflip because drugs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize