I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
