Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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