Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize