I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
