he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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