I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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