I looked at my own cervix.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
