I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
