there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
