Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
