holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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