there's paper in my vomit.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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