make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
