you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
