sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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