i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
