my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
