If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
