like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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