I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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