He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
