she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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