just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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