i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
