Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
