Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
