she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Someone came in the potted fern
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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