Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
