and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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