peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
