Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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