I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
