I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
