First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
