The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
