You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
