Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
