I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
