areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
