Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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